1:21 a.m., September 9, 2015

I admit I felt anger with Frank about his sudden death. In some part of my heart I felt abandoned, left out. It wasn’t something we were able to talk about really – though he mentioned it on the six month anniversary of his death. Jan, you are still in my mind and heart and I am there with you often. Remember the night before I left you – 6 months ago now. I knew I was leaving and knew that it was good. I so wanted to be with you as we were but also knew that this was exactly right. I know you understand in some part of your soul.  I tried to and let it be a soul understanding and gradually I became more successful. Still – it was the shock of the transition that produced such pain. Anniversaries were always difficult. As the year anniversary approached I felt depressed, depleted and saw that I was spending more time than usual just resting, being alone and thinking about the extreme difference in point of view – from my side of death and Frank’s side.